Ms Olivia has created a poll/discussion on Enchantrix Empire asking, “Is phone sex cheating”?
What do you think? Is it a harmless form of entertainment? Or is it a real indiscretion, if you’re in a committed relationship and your partner doesn’t know that you make calls?
Post your responses and thoughts here at Enchantrix Empire, or in the Comments section of this post.
So far, here are the discussion contributions we’ve received on the poll on Enchantrix Empire:
NB says: “This is I believe a veritable minefield.
There are a number of pitfalls, the first of which is that there are two people in a relationship (let’s assume Husband and Wife for sake of discussion, but there are many permutations). Do they both have a common understanding of what “cheating” entails? Or are we into the weeds with Bill Clinton-esque quibbling over the definition of “Is?”
I think that up until very recently most people would not consider this “cheating” because most people would have said that if you don’t have two people in the same room at the same time, how the hell are they going to have sex? :-p
But, shifting social norms on open and expressed sexuality cut both ways, and there has been a lot of talk recently about “Emotional Infidelity” – a notion that emotional intimacy with other people can be inherently bad. A simple Google search will yield 279,000 hits… maybe not a huge number, but it seems to be an emerging concept.
Now, I do not necessarily believe that is always bad, or that phone sex would always fall under that umbrella. But I do believe it is something to be mindful of, and it is a tricky needle to thread.”
Ms Constance says: “WOW Ms Olivia another awesome poll!!! I am going to chime in here………..I think the answer for me is yes and no and let me explain. Phone sex is harmless in most cases and does not effect or interfere with a persons regular sex life as with most sexual stimulation if used in moderation it can enhance ones sex like like pantysue mentioned, just as porn can enhance your sex life but if either is done to the point of replacing your sex life then it is an issue. When becoming emotionally attached to your phone sex operator it can become tricky I know many women who have said they would much rather their man having a one night stand that meant nothing over a long standing affair that involved emotions and love. So yes it is when taken to far and replacing your real life relationships with a phone one….and NO if used to enhance or explore something that your partner is not into it can be a very healthy outlet for those who have no other way to live out their naughty desires even though they are in a committed relationship. So thats my thoughts hope they all made sense in the written word as they did in my head LOL and again Ms Olivia thank you for another awesome poll!!! ”
So – what do you have to say about the subject? Post it here – we love to hear what you think!
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If the term “hurt” is implicated, then strong repercussion could arise, especially if the “hurt” is a premeditated feeling perpetrated by the person committing the act. The significant other could feel the loss of desire due to the constant cyber world, which could, in turn be psychologically challenging for his spouse to endure. Things unsaid are still communicated through the silence, or by the act of not sharing the event. If an adult (of sound mind and body) projects all of his sexual desire toward fantasy and leaves his real sex life/ relationship behind longing for only kink and reality escape then what happens, or is this a even feasible?
LDW is miles above and beyond all others in this industry. The self banning mechanism allows an individual to help themselves if an issue of conscience or addiction is realized which enables a spirit of responsibility. We are all adults and have to be responsible for our own conduct.
Interesting topic for Psychology Today, but not the sexiest topic for erection building.
Keep up the good work!
@ Shep …. LOL …. funny comment AND the comments about your partner are great to hear (She sounds very WISE).
Ms Ally, I’ve got the same conversation going on at the blog post that inspired the EE poll. There’s a huge diversity of comments (you posted some from EE) also on My Experienced Mistress blog — http://www.experiencedmistress.com
On thing that resonates with me is the very clear need to TALK to your partner and get some kind of agreements about sex. But, I think a lot of people find that conversation unbelievably difficult. I’ve noticed that even if people call for a sex fantasy or kinky fetish they LOVE being able to talk about sex openly. And this poll shows that open discussion of needs, kinky (or not) erotic desires and just plain sexy talk is not happening much in many real life relationships.
I loved your comment about the two people making an agreement. YEP! I’m right there with you! That’s what I do 🙂
I think the bigger problem is not so much what happens between the Mistress and the caller, but the lies that the caller may tell his partner, either out of embarassment or an attempt to protect her from something he thinks will hurt her. Some of my clients have told their wives about why they have phonesex – because they have a fetish that their wife simply isn’t interested in indulging – and they seem to get on fine!
That’s perfect then! (And awesome that she is so wise and articulate)
My mate says, ““When you observe yourself you must not condemn or approve what you see. If you tell a lie there is no need to judge your-self.”” and
“When I create a false reality, I always try to create a plausible structure to help convince people it’s true.”
She is pretty smart extrospectively(sp).
Only problem is she likes to talk about sex, and not engage in it, so she says the phone sex is okay in her book!
G’day and Thank You for the wonderful collection of sites!
The definition of cheating is a very fine line. Kinda like the quote from Steven Wright ““There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.””
LOL True! (Love Steven Wright) – Over at Enchantrix Empire, many (myself included) are of the mind that if your partner thinks it’s cheating, it’s cheating. And if you would get mad at your partner for doing it – it’s definitely cheating!
BUT – I think that things can certainly be negotiated so that permissions and concessions can be made for either a) things to be done openly and honestly or b) a couple to categorize things as permissible in a “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” way – To me, as long as there is an agreement between two parties, then nothing is cheating.