I have a saying: “No Shame”.

I use my little saying to remind myself that there is nothing shameful about asking for what I want or need. You see, I was raised in a rather staid and restrictive community, and asking for things was just frowned upon; after all, we don’t want to be greedy, or selfish, or get above ourselves, now do we?

Obviously, I am no longer a part of that community, because fuck yes, let’s be greedy and selfish and ask for the things we desire! Self denial is only fun when it’s an option, a choice: when you have no choice but to deny yourself the things you want in life, it’s deprivation and harmful. Denying that you even have a need or desire can supremely fuck you up; having that need and making no move to fulfill it out of some perverse sense of shame over it is just so wrong.

There is nothing wrong with having needs!

We all have things we need: food, water, shelter, sleep, companionship, and so on. Sometimes we need things that are just a bit above subsistence levels. We need art, we need literature and media and leisure activities. We need to connect on an emotional and intimate level with each other. These are all human needs, good needs! We should try to meet our needs, instead of depriving ourselves.

And there is nothing at all wrong with asking for what we need.

Just so long as you can accept that sometimes the answer to your request is “no”, or “not now”, or “ask someone else to meet that need.” No shame means pulling yourself up and asking for what you need. You need to be fucked into the mattress by a big stud cock? You need to get dressed up in panties and laughed at until you cry in humiliation? Maybe you need to be bound, teased and denied for an entire afternoon. No shame. Ask for it.

Ask for what you need and desire, and be willing to compromise and negotiate.

You’d think these ideas would be taught from our youngest years, and yet… So much shame surrounds the concept of asking to have a need met that hardly anyone ever gets down into their vulnerability and asks. And the slightest hesitation, rejection, attempt to negotiate and people shut down, back off, and pretend they never revealed that need. Be willing to compromise! Negotiate a solution that gets your needs met and keeps your partner happy too!

So, let me ask you: Please confess your darkest desires, your deepest hidden needs to me.

And if you can’t confess your need to me, please at least ask someone to help you meet your desires. Just once, give yourself permission to want, and to act on it. Ask for what you need.