Happy Holiday Hand Humping!

Hi, strokers! Wanna play a hand humping game?

I know that the most wonderful time of the year can actually turn out to be one of the most hectic. Between holiday traffic, crowds, shopping, parties, family, friends, and all the bazillion things going on around you; it can be a challenge to find time enough to slip away, give yourself a little hands on attention, and take a load off… I’d like to suggest a hand humping game to work out your kinks with no one the wiser.

WARNING!!!! The rest of this post is for hardcore kinksters only!

Seriously—if you have pristine memories of holiday classics that you don’t want violated, stop reading, and leave now. What’s coming up is distinctly dirty, devious, raunchy and irreverent. So take your lilly-white reminiscences of holidays past and go check out some of the other blog posts.

…Are the Norman Rockwell & Hallmark fans gone? Good.

Listen up my lovely deviants. Holiday music can cover up a multitude of sins. Blast it from your speakers, and say something along the lines of—“If you see the door closed and hear holiday music playing in X room; it means I’m shopping for/wrapping presents, and don’t want to be disturbed.” Chances are they will leave you in peace. You could probably even lock the door for additional privacy without anyone giving it a second thought—because everybody tends to be a little secretive around the holidays when gifts are involved.

Let’s play musical masturbation.

Even if you don’t have to worry about other people in the house, you’ll probably still get a kick out of this holiday hand humping game. You will need either a festive music CD, or radio station (additional toys like lube, aneros, vibrators, etc. can be added in but aren’t necessary). For the 1st song, stroke in rhythm to the beat; on the 2nd song, stroke in rhythm to the lyrics; and keep going, trading off between lyrics and the beat with each new tune. Once you’ve gotten that down, pay attention to the volume of the music.  When it’s soft, use a light stroke; as it gets louder, use an increasingly firm grip. Try to get in 1 edge per song. How many songs do you think you’ll be able to last until you come? Regardless, I guarantee you’ll experience holiday classics in a manner you’ll never forget.

I bet you’ll never think of “O Come all ye Faithful” the same way again! 😉

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