Topping from the Bottom: Five Things to Avoid

Do You Top from the Bottom?

(5 Examples You Must Avoid)

By Mistress Alina Sky

Hello, Devotees, Worship Pets, Slaves and Submissives!
Do You Top From The Bottom? Have you even been told so by your Dominant?
In this blog post we shall discuss the vital issue of Topping From The Bottom, and how to avoid doing so, in order to achieve the highest and most divine level of submission to your Mistress and Owner.

As a Virtual Mistress and a Lifestyle Mistress, I’ve always found each client very unique in their needs and exploration of the BDSM Universe. When they choose me as their Mistress/Owner/Femdom Goddess, I sometimes need to ‘wipe the slate clean’ and start from scratch, in order to build a strong, stable foundation to build our D.s relationship that will last for YEARS to come, and help them incorporate their desired BDSM lifestyle into their everyday life.

So let’s dive in to a touchy hot topic subject of Topping from the Bottom and: 5 Examples you MUST avoid, because in all honestly, if you wish to be a True submissive, this faulty habit can totally throw your entire D.s relationship into utter chaos and ruin, and basically, you are depriving yourself of the utterly sublime experience of giving yourself truly to your Dominant.

Let’s take a deeper look at how I can help you fix Topping From The Bottom right now.!

 

Are You Topping from the Bottom?
What Does Topping from the Bottom Mean

In my extensive work as a Lifestyle Mistress, I often work with real life couples who wish to incorporate their BDSM interests into their 24/7 existence, and of course there are many different ways and levels of doing this.
Usually they have a D.s relationship in some way, Be it a Female Led Relationship, which I specialize in helping couples streamline and live by.

All D/s relationship operate on a give and take set of rules, that are observed by and define that existence. The same can be easily said about the Sessions I provide in my practice and my real life play BDSM, play club I run for my very close friends, our small kink circle boasts 20 or so couples I intimately know, where my life partner is a Master and I am a Mistress, so I know that when I live the BDSM lifestyle I get a very intimate glance into what it’s like for other couples to live this way as well.

Which brings me to Topping From The Bottom, Highly prevalent in BDSM lifestyle of couples, which, As Their Mistress and BDSM Guru, I know it’s my duty and calling to resolve, it’s a thorn in the side of Every Dominant, and not their submissive fault, because most of the time, they are not conscious of their erroneous misstep.

 

 

 

 

 

 

So, Topping From The Bottom or TFTB, Has been around since the existence of BDSM in all it’s forms. Essentially it manifests in many different ways, and almost every Dominant has encountered it, just like almost every submissive (especially novice submissives) has done it in some way.

Essentially ‘Topping from the bottom’ is an expression used to describe a situation, in BDSM play or a Session with a Mistress/Dominant, where a submissive attempts to control the play, the interaction dynamic, or even the D/s relationship itself from their submissive position.
The Sub will do this using seduction, persuasion, provocation, disobedience, attempts at challenging the Dominant, or even dictating the terms of the play beforehand.

 

Do You Top From The Bottom?
My Experience And Outlook

As a Mistress both in Real Life sessions and as a Virtual Dominant for my clients here at LDW, I’m always conscious of the fact that COMMUNICATION is of utmost importance when I take on a new submissive of any gender.

Basically they know that being a submissive is something they either wish to explore, or they have been for a while. I know that every Dominant style is their own, but what I do feel that being a Mistress means I am taking control of this submissive, and it’s my role to control this relationship and the gift of my client submission and devotion is based in deep trust and understanding and must be earned.

Having said that, it’s not up to the sub to direct the session in any way shape or form, and when they do, it’s my job to correct them and lead them on the right path of submission, because if not, then what is the point of engaging in a session or being a submissive at al? No point. Because if you truly wish to experience the sublime pleasure of proper submission, topping from the bottom (TFTB) MUST be corrected and stopped as soon as it occurs.

I’m very well aware that topping from below, sometimes will happens subconsciously, in the heat of the moment when a play is ongoing, and the sub might even think they are being helpful (especially if the submissive is more experienced than they Dominant).However, many instances TFTB is initiated by the submissive on purpose, to simply get their way, and it is akin to using reverse psychology.

Topping from the bottom may even totally turn the tables of control without the Dominant realizing it; thus upsetting the D/s relationship entirely

 

 

Do You Top From The Bottom-
Why is it happening?

 

There are those who mostly place the blame on the submissive, for his or her manipulation tactics, I feel an experience Dominant should eventually be good enough to expect this type of (inevitable) behavior.

This is why I tend to be stricter than most about laying out clear and defined boundaries, and nip those behaviors in the bud right away, because breaking a bad habit is harder than stopping it from forming in the first place.

The worst thing a Dominant can do is turn a blind eye, be overly forgiving and easy to manipulate. The reason those situations must be dealt with IMMEDIATELY is for the long term benefit of  not only my practice, but the actual D/s relationship itself.

That is even ENDLESSLY more important with regards to a professional session. I will get into this in more details below.

 

Are You Topping from the Bottom?

Five Examples of TFTB
And How to Turn Them Around 

So let’s get into Five possible instances of Topping From The Bottom situation, and how both a Dominant and a submissive can turn them around constructively:

1. Being an Unmanageable and Disobedient Brat Frequently:
Although many Dominants do seek the challenge of owning a submissive who displays bratty behaviors from time to time, there really needs to be a specific adherence to the clear roles at hand.
Clearly, the very definition of a submissive brat as being naughty and playfully disobedient. In this particular D/s dynamics, there’s nothing wrong with brats or bratty behavior. It can keep things fun and interesting.
However, when that type of acting out becomes a problem, is when it must be corrected. Even a “submissive brat’ must never display constant disobedience and lashing out in tantrums or constant belligerent acts.

So when a bratty sub behaves like this, Instead of a way to be more playful and engaging, it becomes the main way to receive their Dominant attention and to get what they want at that moment.
Rest assured, that this erroneous way of submission ends up only irritating their Dominant to the point of exhaustion with the relationship, so much so that they might lose the Dominant altogether.

How you as a submissive can correct this:
If you feel, as a submissive, that your needs are not met in a session, SPEAK UP PRIOR TO THE NEXT SESSION. I have always encouraged my submissive to speak freely prior to sessions, when they wish for me to hyper focus on certain area, share with me your session goals, and when in session, take the first five or ten minutes to put forth concise and clear session agenda.
Since I’m highly experienced, even a general direction can truly help, as long as you communicate what’s important to you and not expect me to read your mind,.
As long as you are respectful of my time and my practice, there is really nothing wrong with a submissive communicating what they need and want from their Dominant.

If you’re not comfortable speaking up or rather get into the session with me knowing EXACTLY what you need, you can certainly email me beforehand, and that will get us both on the right path.

2.Disregarding Safe Words or Boundaries

Safe words and Boundaries (both from/by the Dominant’s and the Submissive), are a sacred part of BDSM play, Pay For Play Sessions and the D/s relationship in all its forms.

Both boundaries and safe words are a steadfast foundation in all BDSM engagements for many reasons. They are with us to ensure that everything is done in a safe, sane and consensual manner.

This definitely is a very prominent part of my phone sessions as well, because it’s important for me to know that my client on the other side of the line is totally in sync with me, since I can’t always see their face and reactions. (even when they are visible on skype, it’s important to know what might turn them off and mess up a session, even certain words and phrases can totally sabotage the whole experience. Therefore, I make sure I know well in advance what safe words are chosen and where the boundaries are.

The very definition of a safe words/boundaries is a word or phrase that a submissive (or Dom) will use when they are getting close to or at their limit.
A submissive should never feel guilty when they need to use them legitimately, or states their clear boundaries before and during a session.

Submissive can certainly use a safe word when a situation becomes  emotionally difficult  or overwhelming, and they just need a timeout or a break.

The problem usually arises when it becomes a way to simply get out of a task they just don’t want to do. (even if they have committed to it). It can become the vanilla equivalent of saying they have a headache..So the sub becomes the one in control when they safe word, simply because they just don’t feel like doing something.

How you as a submissive can correct this:
Before you as a submissive decides to use the safe word mid- session, ask yourself if you’re just trying to avoid obeying a Dominant Command or task you have committed to before, or promised to complete, but now you are backing out. It’s really a huge turnoff to Dominants, by the way. – and a break of trust and integrity of session experience. Look very deeply into yourself and REALLY commit to a Dominant in a way that you can truly adhere to. Never commit to something you really cannot do, exceed your boundaries or limits, that way all expectations of you are managed and in place, and your submission experience will have a REAL value.

3.Contradictory or Interrupting Statement whilst in Session:

That is a huge pet peeve of mine, by the way. And that includes a submissive talking over me whilst in an active session. When a Dominant or Mistress makes a decision, or gives a command,  it should stand and be fulfilled without question
I’m not suggesting that  a sub isn’t allowed, from time to time, to voice their opinion or need respectfully when necessary.
However, interrupting a session and routinely trying to get a Dominant to change their mind,  talking over a Mistress during active play, will only hurt the session and our relationship itself.

An example of this include a certain pre-session set up with a Dominant, where a submissive has committed to a specific way of servitude, subject themselves at a certain time and duration to achieve a high intensity session experience, to dress up for a Mistress, bring toys, or to perform agreed upon tasks.

Yet during that session, the submissive is either unable to or tried to change what was agreed upon, or get their way.
Understand that the point of submission is that BOTH Dominant and submissive go forward with a clear and well defined understanding, which of course can be re-defined at appropriate times. This is why a submissive should NEVER commit to something they  cannot do, and basically try to interrupt the Dominant, negotiate and actively change what was decided or ordered.

. When this happens and if the Dominant gives in, the whole dynamic shifts, and the Master or Mistress lose control in the relationship, and the submissive loses the true pleasure of submission. The whole experience becomes worthless.

How you as a submissive can correct this:
When your Dominant makes a decision, don’t undermine it. Even if it’s not what you want at this moment, or expecting to happen.
Never forget that Your role and very reason for existence is to please your Dominant.
Now, of course that if whatever is happening  is something you truly cannot do or disagree with, you can certainly let them know respectfully.

Another option is to ask  your Dominant after a session, and plan for the next time, when you can incorporate your choice and desire.
Remember again that they are you are their submissive, and they are your Dominant. Topping from below will only erode the intensity and integrity of that relationship and experience.

4.Trying to Heavily Interact with Your Mistress Between Sessions:

I have been a Dominant in my soul for as long as i can remember, and becoming a Lifestyle Dominant is what I was born to do. I take this very seriously, and as a full spectrum Femdom provider, I’ve seen all kinds of submissives, of all genders, and all levels. What I’m telling you right now, is probably the most valuable insight you will ever get into what it means to be TRULY in a D/s relationship with a Mistress such as myself.

When you actively try to get your Mistress to heavily interact with you in between paid sessions, or try to get her to be “your friend’ and engage in endless chatter, it’s really one of the worst things you can do in your D/s professional relationship.

Have you ever heard the saying “familiarity breeds contempt” an overly extensive knowledge of or close association with someone or something leads to a loss of respect and reverence for them. THIS IS ESPECIALLY  true when engaging with your Mistress and Owner.

First and foremost, part of a Mistress allure is her aloofness and mystic. She is more then just a regular person. She is close to a Deity, in face.
Not only is a Mistress time and attention must be always, ALWAYS regarded as a great privilege and honor to share with, she is NOT your friend. and unless you are in a Female Led Relationship and are dating or are married to your Mistress, you must always request permission to engage in any type of out of session contact..

You see, it’s really a grave error to seek your Mistress constant attention as a way of topping from the bottom, when you are not asked to report after a session or when completing a task. A Mistress must never feel harassed by your neediness or over dependency. You are here to serve, you are here to obey, you are here to enhance Her Life and Comfort. NOT the other way around, and it is ALWAYS up to the Mistress in deciding what out of session contact or attention she bestows upon you.

Now this is NOT about pre-session communications or post session feedback, this has to do with wanting your Mistress time and attention constantly between sessions in a way that becomes very taxing and annoying.

How you as a submissive can correct this:

If you find yourself needing a lot of out of session contact attention, you can always purchase an email package if your Mistress is open to it, or offer a virtual bouquet of a little extra interaction between sessions.

If you are a long time client who engages in VERY long sessions, then you will find that most Mistresses will give you that extra attention you need because you have earned it. So be respectful and devoted, you will get out whatever you put into a relationship, which is really the key here.

5. Not Truly Opening Up and Using Avoidance Tactics:

If you are a new submissive or a novice just getting into exploration of the BDSM universe, I understand that it’s not a simple thing to embark upon.
There are way too many contradicting and confusing streams of information out there; not to mention films that might skew your perception or understanding of things, and although I think that every expression, movie or article, artistic or otherwise, for the most part offers an interesting perspective and there is always something to learn from them, a submissive who is new to the game will get overwhelmed.

That leads to a novice sub getting into a session situation and finding it highly difficult to open up and be honest and truthful in what they seek from me as their Mistress, so they constantly divert and avoid, try to flip the script and change the dynamics or just wait for me to figure them out by evading and not communicating at all.

Expecting a Mistress to do YOUR submissive work for you, is another way of topping from the bottom that basically sinks the entire experience and yields you NOTHING.
The true magic of exploration and submission can be overwhelming but if you don’t open yourself up to that experience, you will never reach your submissive goals.

How you as a submissive can correct this:

I realize that this can be overwhelming and scary to open yourself up for the first time to someone you don’t know. As a Lifestyle Mistress I have proudly ushered many new submissives, men women and couples, into servitude and devotion, 24/7 BDSM lifestyle in all it’s forms.

What you must understand is that first, you must find the RIGHT Mistress for you. Of course it may take some searching but it’s part and parcel of this journey.
You MUST communicate clearly what it is you seek and what are your boundaries, your doubts and what you DON’T KNOW, so that a Mistress can figure out how to set up your path of exploration in the manner and pace that are right for you.

Understand that it’s not a leap, it’s a step by step adventure, and building trust and finding your happy place is a lifetime of dedication, and the more you put into your D.s relationship, the more you get out of it.

 

In closing –

Topping From The Bottom is inevitable, and I, as a Mistress, take it upon myself to ALWAYS find constructive and positive ways to re-direct the situation so it can only BENEFIT your submission journey.

We can always work together to improve every session experience and the more trust we build the more intensely satisfying our sessions will become.

As Your Mistress, your submission is a gift. Yes, I am fairly strict but since I am highly invested, experienced and well versed in full spectrum Femdom both in real life and as a Virtual/Distance Practice of the BDSM lifestyle, you can and will find your happy place as a submissive with me, for years to come!

 

Products You May like:

The Alina Sky Guide To Female Led Relationship 

The Ultimate Cuckold Guide