Safe words are critical in keeping a scene safe, but they’re not always spoken out loud.
For many in the BSDM Community, the stoplight system of “Green” = everything’s good, “Yellow” = proceed with caution & slow down, you’re approaching a limit, and “Red” = whatever you’re doing, STOP NOW! works great. I frequently use it myself. However, just like all other safety measures that rely on words, it doesn’t work for everyone. Especially submissives who become non-verbal in subspace, or individuals who’ve been gagged or otherwise restrained from making intelligible speech.
When words are damn near impossible to create, other methods must be used to keep submissives safe.
One of my RL subs is very non-verbal in subspace. For her, we use a system of purrs, kneading paws, and bells. In scenes, she holds a flexible loop of jingle bells threaded through her fingers. Purrs mean she’s relaxing and blissing out, kneading her free paw means she wants to ramp things up, jingling bells means she needs things to slow down, and dropped bells means the scene STOPS (no dropped bells yet, but I know Kitty would if she wanted/needed to–she’s got absolutely no problems jingling them). Items that make sound & can be dropped are an excellent choice for any sub who might have difficulty forming words in the heat of the moment–keys, rattles, bells, ect…
The important thing is to establish some method of communication that works for the individuals involved to keep the submissive safe.
Not only do alternative safe words help subs who might be non-verbal in subspace, or incapable of speech due to restraints or elements of the scene; using non-verbal systems to communicate can also help when it comes to overcoming past traumas where safe words might have been ignored or punished.
It’s perfectly natural for a sub to want to please their Dom/me– I just wish more realized that using safe words DOES please us, because it shows they trust us enough to listen to them, take care of them, and respect them as human beings with limits instead of just a flogging bench or blow up doll with a pulse. It gives us a chance to prove that we’re worthy of the trust they give us each time they place themselves in our care, and it shows that the trust we place in them isn’t misplaced.
Click to Listen
To call Ms. Lilly, click HERE.
Visit Ms. Lilly’s blog: www.eroticphonemistress.com
For an erotic phone sex session, dial 800-601-6975.
Must be 18+
Calls are $ per minute, with a 10 minute minimum
Discreetly billed to your credit card
Rate Your Call
Check out our new social network, Enchantrix Empire.
Great. Now I want some jingle bells. I’ll be totally honest and admit that I had never really considered the importance of non-verbal safewords. They certainly have a place in the BDSM realm for sure! I have a few submissives who are naturally quiet, but their hands work for sure. I’ll have to put this insight to good use.
This can definitely get overlooked in the D/s dynamic, the need for the non-verbal safeword. Some submissives with whom I’ve interacted, new to the scene, are surprised to learn about safewords at all, let alone the availability of the non-verbal safeword. Thoughtful and informative, Miss Lilly!
But . . . I will have to admit that the thought of you playing with your Kitty was also very arousing. *giggle*